I did something this morning that I haven’t done in months. I got on the scale and weighed myself. Not good. Not only have I gained the “Quarantine 15” pounds but I socked on another ten pounds on top of it all. Talk about comfort foods! I super indulged in a carbohydrate frenzy that could have sent Mr. Potato Head to the moon and back.

Girl! You got some serious ‘splaining to do!

I’ll admit that when the pandemic first hit, I went on a food shopping frenzy. When our own local supermarket went on the fritz and it was deemed unsafe for the over 65 crowd to venture out and food shop, I went on an Amazon buying frenzy. Forget home delivery. We’re too rural to qualify. I contacted neighbor friends who were homesteading farmers who in turn oversold me on slabs of beef, fresh eggs, Wisconsin cheeses, pork and beef salamis and full fat dairy products! I ate everything in sight because I thought I needed to bulk up for future food shortages. I thought my body would live off it’s own fat content should the pandemic turn off the chow spigots.

It took awhile but our local grocery store has settled into a nice routine. Deliveries are steady and as long as they limit quantities (2 or 4 per customer of their most popular items) there will be food for all! But in the interim, I made a truckload of mac & cheeses, lasagna, southern-fried chicken cutlets and pulled butt pork sandwiches in my slow cooker more times than I can count. Most of these dishes I ate in a day vs sparingly over a week. Truthfully, I thought I was going to die so why not die full, fat and happy?

Wrong.

Now I have to pay the pandemic piper. When I tried on my summer shorts, they didn’t fit. And here’s why:

Do you see any green salads in that photo mix? Or perhaps a fat free plain jane yogurt? Didn’t think so. I was having grits and cheddar cheese (with a big pat of butter) almost every morning. Don’t ask me how this Italian girl somehow got the urge to indulge in Southern Comfort, but that’s what I did. I couldn’t fit in to my size 14 shorts (which is a big size to begin with!) I had to up the ante to a size 18! This problem is getting serious y’all right now. Ditto for my bra! I could not get on my old bra. I had to up the band and cup size to a number I’m too ashamed to share with you at this time.

Most everything is still closed here. The community pool will NOT be opening this summer. Nor will the indoor college pool accept any non-students this term. The lakes are closed along with their respective beaches. Some hiking trails are open but they’re crowded with city folk who snuck up here in the dead of night and are hiding out with their kin folk. Ditto for the biking trails. Two’s company but 19 people is stadium sports crowd.

The other day I made myself chocolate pudding pie! Can you imagine? I haven’t had a chocolate pudding pie since the 1970’s. I didn’t even think I could find the ingredients to make a chocolate pudding pie (with whipped creme) but I did.

My behavior has to stop. Now.

Yes. I used to order Milano cookies from Amazon, 6 bags at a time!

So, I’m on a diet. I started it today. Which was perfect timing because my candy haul was just about running out. The Milano cookies are long gone. I actually filled my kitchen table center fruit bowl with fruit! (yuck). It’s summer time now and the kitchen cooking has been put on hold. I’ll be grilling lean meats and preparing more salads (double yuck!) and hopefully by the end of the summer, I’ll be eating my own fresh produce.

But before I go (on a diet) I had one last fling. After all, it is a holiday weekend!

Two uncured bratwurst, BBQed with all the trimmings for old times sake.