Marriage? What marriage? Hubs and I are at each other’s throats most days. Our main topic of conversation is either separation or divorce. So much so, we sit and plan out our divorce. The only thing stopping us is the financial aspect of a divorce. Separately we’d be broke. But together, at least we have something. So, we stay together and bicker at the slightest provocation.
First up, this pandemic has caused my husband to prematurely retire three years too soon. There simply is no work for him. So, to combat his boredness at home, he has decided to do all my work. He does the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and cleaning of the bathrooms. If you think that’s a good thing, its not. He’s completely taken over my kitchen (by utilizing my baking center counter) and in its wake, he leaves a mess. Hubby has adult ADHD which means he never puts anything away, he spills almost everything, all the cabinet doors are opened and left that way, he sits by the open refrigerator door while he stares into outer space, he complains, he complains, he complains, he complains.
He doesn’t like the olive oil you bought. It has a funny taste. You don’t have the right cooking utensils, pans, pots, etc. You don’t clean the interior of the refrigerator often enough. You overspend on food. You overstocked the pantry. No wonder we never have any money, you spent it all on food. Do we really need to stockpile? Do we really need another freezer? Did you defrost anything for dinner? I want meat every single day. What do you mean I can’t have ice cream till next shopping day? I want it now and I’m going out to get it.
Are YOU ready for a divorce just about now? Wait. It gets better. When we built this house we’re living in back in 2001, there was no garage. So, when I inherited money in 2005, I had a pre-fab barn/garage built for hubby, at a cost of $50,000 cash. He had already taken over my garden shed (which I purchased for $8,000 cash). This way he finally had a place of his own to putter, work on his car, store all his tools and equipment. Plus he fancied this 2000 Jeep Cherokee which needed some work, so I bought him the car back in 2005 for $1850 so he’d have a project to work on. It is now 2020 and the jeep just sits there. With piles of junk on top of it and all around it. Every time I mention to either donate it or just junk it, we get into a screaming match, till I finally drop the subject.
This is what the interior of a $50,000 barn looks like. Hubs keeps telling me he has the clutter under control. What do you think?
Here is the interior of my She-Shed. Does it look like I have any room for my garden stuff?
Do you know how many times I just want to scream and run the fuck outta here? My only semblance of normalacy is the interior of my home. At least, I have total control over it and I keep it clutter free and as neat and tidy as possible. It’s a constant, constant battle to repeatedly pick up after my husband. I’m tired. And I’m so worn out.
So, we talk about divorce. ALL the money that is in savings is the remnant of my 2005 inheritance. When I met hubby in 1983, he had $1,000 cash in his pocket (it was all the money he had in the world. He was afraid of banks and investments) and he had holes on his shoes. Yup. He was a poor boy from Brooklyn, NY. BUT, and here’s that but….he was very gifted and talented and when properly directed, he was and is a fantastic money maker. His only problem was he didn’t know what to do with all that money he made. So, he spent it.
His family wasn’t much better. When hubby’s father died, his sisters called and demanded my husband give them a few thousand dollars to pay for their father’s funeral. Only my husband had any money and that was because back in 1983, I took over total control of his money. Thanks to me, he has something. Otherwise he’d be winding up like his parents did in retirement: broke and living in their daughter’s basement!
So, hubby is NOT entitled to any of the current investments and cash holdings because in a court of law, they’re part of MY inheritance. He has no claim over anything. Second, would be the home we are living in. That we could split 50/50. The home is worth around $400K plus, which when divided, after expenses, we’d probably wind up with around $200,000 each. I still have my inheritance money. Hubby would only have $200K and his $1500 a month social security check and a measly Disney pension (which as Disney keeps laying off people, may turn into zero!) This may sound like a lot of money, but in retirement reality it isn’t. Hubs has some serious, serious heart problems. Open heart surgery is but a mere pittance away.
Technically, hubs is screwed. He’d have a lifetime of near poverty. Me? I’d fare a whole lot better since I’m the frugal one and can make a million appear out of ninety nine cents. But who the heck wants to live alone at almost age 70? Let’s be honest and real here? I need a strong arm around my life to do the heavy load. I technically can not make it without hubs. And he technically can not make it without me. We could…..but it’d be very, very difficult and at our age, who wants life to be difficult? So, we stay together. Thirty-nine years and counting.
I’m certain we’re not the only people caught in a situation such as ours. We’re just honest enough to admit it, talk about it and work through it. This pandemic however, has caused our relationship to become even more strained than it already was. Now, hubby is starting to encumber over the interior of my home and this is where I have drawn the line. He can not bring his chaos into my private sanctuary. Pure and simple. Yet, he has.
To counter his pandemic stress and isolation, hubby has taken up being a ham radio operator. He is able now to speak and communicate with others in the outside world, which makes him (and me) happy. Unfortunately, however, he has no room left in the shed or the barn to function, plus he needs a place with heat and neither the shed nor barn has that. So, he infringed his way into the home and has taken over my daughter’s bedroom.
This is NOT good. He started using my daughter’s bed as a table top. His books and ham radio crap are littered all over her room. He lays in her bed for hours while he exercises his jabber jaw (translated: he talks for hours on end to ‘his peoples’ on the ham radio). I have threatened to throw him out of the house and into his barn BUT we’d have to spend a few hundred bucks to get heat in the barn and I’m just not willing to come up with that money right now. It was cheaper to buy him a $35 student desk and set that up in my daughter’s room for hubby to do his ham radio stuff on (plus the desk has 3 shelves to stack all his crap). The desk is back ordered and it can’t get here soon enough for me!
My only solace has been my home. Below is a video I made recently showing the four interior rooms I live in. The interior of my home creates peace and tranquility for me during this pandemic. I am NOT willing to give up one more inch to my marital partner at all. I feel I have done enough for him. I spent enough money trying to make him happy but it’s been fruitless. I would love a divorce or at least a separation but where would I go? It’s so affordable to live here where we are. I have to think of myself. Hubby does do a lot for me. I have to say what’s fair is fair. Plus, he makes all that money! (or used to) And he saves us so much more money by doing all of the repair and maintenance work himself. Underneath it all, we do love and respect each other. But he is a clutter nut and I am a clutter-free nut and up until now (this pandemic) we used to get along.
Take a good look at this video. When we get to the kitchen, hubby took over my butcher block baking counter. Look at the clutter on that table! It’s a constant daily challenge for me to keep that clutter at bay. Personally, I feel it’s hopeless BUT as long as he stays out of my way, I can deal with it. When is this pandemic going to be over????