I try very, very hard to be as frugal as I can be. But it’s difficult to be frugal in a two party relationship when the other partner won’t participate. Never mind that DH and I went broke two times in the last forty years (and that three times will NOT be a charm). The guy just wants what he wants and that’s all there is to it. After all, according to DH, he deserves it. Get out the violins ladies and gentlemen; somebody’s singing that old charmer: “Hey! I worked for it. I deserve it.”
Only one problem with this tired love song, DH has been out of work since March 2019 and it doesn’t look like he’ll be working any time in the near future. That means we two retirees have to make our budget work on our existing passive income streams (two social security checks, one pension and one dividend-paying investment).

It doesn’t take much to go broke. A few bad financial decisions. Throw in a pinch of bad luck and you can get yourself into a whole heap of financial misdoings. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I have no idea if that rhyme goes on for ‘fool me a third time’. You’d have to be a complete dummy for that.
So, it was with much sadness when I bought my hubby a pair of PJs from our local Salvation Army ($7.99) and I later found said pair in our garbage pail the very same day. Right now, as a tactic to save money where ever I can, I occasionally go to either Goodwill or The Salvation army and buy used items for our wear. Ditto for house and home needs. I have no problem cleaning up and using someone else’s good stuff. DH, on the other hand has a very big problem with it. Over the years he has refused to eat out of someone else’s dishes, cook off of other peoples pots, decorate with other people’s furniture or accessories and dare I say it: wear clothes that other people have worn before him. Thus the trash bin.

To be fair my husband has OCD and suffers with ADHD. In other words, he has issues. But these are inflationary years and people, no matter their ailments, must all make the appropriate amends and bend to their financial realities. PJ bottoms right now cost around $10 to $25 a pair. (This was not a good time for me to have sold my sewing machine a few years back because I used to make all our PJ bottoms. It’s an easy sew). Hubby needs pajama bottoms. The winter is closing in on us and the guy has got to find a way to keep warm. All his regular stuff is worn out. It’s a need now. Not a want. But I have a budget to follow. And DH isn’t being any much help. He stated he will NOT wear someone else’s ‘underwear’. He considers PJs someone else’s private wear.
DH’s discourse doesn’t stop with clothes and house goods. He also demands that every one of his dinner meals consist of meat and potatoes. He’ll go vegan during the day but at night he wants his Flintstones. Yup. You got it. I’m not having too much luck chowing down in the meal department with this guy either. I will admit he is getting better and he is coming around a bit more. But I digress. Back to the clothes dilemma.
I, being the sole financial guru of the pair, sharpened up my shopping skills and went out seeking the very next best thing to Goodwill bargain hunting: sales! I found a really good deal on Amazon (Walmart was a close second). I was able to score three pairs of 100% cotton flannel bottoms for twenty bucks. I had to buy three to get the deal. The original price came to $32 but I still had a lingering $12 Amazon gift card balance and I also qualified for free shipping. (I had cancelled my Amazon membership a while ago because I just wasn’t happy with Amazon anymore PLUS you get free shipping anyway if you spend $25 which is very easy to do when you keep a written need/want list….thus the $119 annual Amazon membership isn’t necessary).

I re-categorized the $7.99 I spent at The Salvation Army as a donation. Hubby will now be the best well dressed PJ bottom wearer on our block and crisis avoided. Even though I’m out twenty bucks, when divided by the three pairs, it comes out to about $7.00 each which is Goodwill pricing anyway!
As for me, I’m very comfortable shopping at Goodwill and The Salvation Army as well as consignment and thrift shops. I’m also very content eating more vegan meals and watching our bottom line. I’m in charge of all our finances. Always was. Always will be. I understand hubby’s train of thought but we’ve got tough times coming up ahead. DH was a little bit too young to remember the stagflation of the 1970s. I’m six years older than he is and I know a bit or two. I’ll do my best to hold down the line and I hope I never have to read DH the riot act.
To be honest, DH does do his part to keep our costs down, such as the hundred of DIY and maintenance projects he accomplishes. He wants new clothes. He wants what he wants for dinner. He works hard. He deserves it. I just hope to God I can keep on balancing our bottom line.
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Cindy – My husband is exactly like yours – but I probably have more quirks than he does – he tolerates mine and I tolerate his – called “marriage”. I do know where you are coming from and trying to budget in these times is exhausting – inflation is never ending and when you are retired like we are you can only cut back so much. We are in our seventies and I am glad we are old because I think there is a bleak future for our young people (who are spending like crazy and not seeing what is going on) We’ll adjust our lives but ten years ago who would have thought we’d be in this situation. It’s a bummer and everyone is getting free money except the retired – Maybe we’ll see a nice COLA increase on out SS – it won’t get us out of this mess but it would help.
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Tony I’m 70 also. Been around the block a few times. People have no idea what’s up ahead. I had to wait 3 weeks before Aldi got in lemon juice. Sure I could have gone somewhere else but that wouldn’t solve the shortage crisis coming our way. Thank you so much for your comment. Hang in there!
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I know that feeling of thinking you’re the only saver in the family. In our 48 years of marriage my husband has never paid the bills and could never tell you how much money was coming in and going out. I’ve offered the role to him, but he wants none of it. He does take care of the investing with our financial adviser. When he wants to purchase something, he just assumes we have the money and buys what he wants. Thankfully, his “wants” aren’t much!
I’m not sure how my husband would feel about wearing a stranger’s used pajamas. He has taken “hand-me-down” shirts from our son-in-law and worn them. I think your amazon purchase sounds like a thrifty alternative. Since fabric prices have increased the last few years, I know you couldn’t have made them that cheaply.
We are also 70 and personally aren’t really feeling the inflation crunch yet. Our investments are still doing okay and we continue to take a monthly draw from our IRA, but if we had to, we could make it on our SS checks and my small pension. I know that the energy costs this winter will be a drain. My plan right now is to turn the thermostat down a little and wear my cuddle duds under my jeans every day. When I sit down to watch TV I’m going to make sure I have throws available on the sofas and chairs! I’m not a cold weather person and would never be able to enjoy your New York winters, even with your new stove!
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Hi Glenda. Thanks for sharing your story with me. My husband does the same thing as yours. He spends or buys and then tells me about it afterwards. Thankfully I keep nagging him because I don’t like surprises BUT (and there’s that ‘but’) he finally told me we owe the landscaping guy $350. Ugh. I wasn’t prepared for that. Lucky his wife liked our old couch that we were just about to list and we did an even exchange. Whew! Our new couch isn’t coming for another 2 weeks but at least we avoided that unexpected bill.
I have no idea how our stove will work out. It’s been almost a month and we can’t get the parts to hook it up. My husband thinks we have all the time in the world. He’s not phased by inflation or part shortages because everything looks normal to him. Meanwhile I’m in the background pulling my hair out. I’m certain I’ve become a nag. We have the final part assured to come in by this Tuesday. Last time we were in this predicament (me waiting for hubby to connect the heat) we had a blizzard the very next day. Hope this time around our outcome will be better. LOL!
Thanks again for your comment. I appreciate it.
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Glenda, please read my other post today regarding a true story. You will LOVE the ending. I cancelled my Amazon order. Read on and you’ll happily know why!!
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Hi Cindi, Me thinks you stress and worry too much. You are in a different financial Situation now then in the 1970’s – paid off car, truck, and home, no kids, huge stockpile of food, soon to be alternative heat source, new winter Florida solution so massive savings there. Give yourself a Pat on the back and enjoy your dual retirement. I find shopping sales for well made clothes and buying new last longer so your ahead in the long run. The Pyrex bowls you bought awhile ago could have been purchased new at the same price at Walmart and Amazon. You got to figure in time and transportation cost heading to Goodwill and Salvation Army. Sincerely, Lara
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Lara, back in the 70s if I ran into trouble my parents were there to get me out. I have no back up today. Plus I think I suffer from PTSD. The memories can be haunting. I need to take one day at a time. That’s how I’ll get through. Thanks for the encouraging words.
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Cindi, my parents, DH, DB, and all their generation on both sides of the family, and three of my eight first cousins have been gone for me for ten years! I, too take one day at a time and fight to stay on the other side of PTSD and grief. I miss them all immensely still. IMHO, Our parents are still helping us out financially with our inheritance creating a passive investment stream. Hang in there when Nick gets the pellet stove installed you’ll be warm and toasty. We have a warmer week in 70’s weather, then Monday October 18th, 39 here but you are warmer there. Sincerely, Lara
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Lara, please read my second post today. My mother is still watching over. She must have whispered into God’s ear today because God sent me an angel. Read and comment. This one is spectacular!!!!!!!
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Saving money will not give you financial freedom. Earning more will make you feel that you are in comfortable financial situation.
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Good to know. I just got a new job!
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