How was your 4th of July holiday? Mine wasn’t too good. All I know is that I was sitting down in my living room, on my recliner, watching the PBS Fourth of July special, enjoying the singing and the music, when all hell broke loose. My daughter told me she hated America and refused to celebrate the holiday. Our conversation started off fine but then it descended into a screaming, fighting match as soon as the current politics entered the conversation. I guess my husband and I are to blame, according to my two daughters, that its our fault the Supreme Court rules the way it does. I’m certain that my daughters were venting but the venting turned into another declaration of “I never want to see you ever again nor do I want you to call me again. I’m blocking you out of my life.”

I’ve been on this roller coaster before. But truthfully folks, I’m getting tired of it. In a way, I blame myself. I sent my girls off to college and Frankensteins returned to me each Thanksgiving. I should have interfered then and had discussions but I never did. Everyone told me to bud out. So I let it go, only now to have a lifetime of misunderstandings and sore feelings.

Just the way I gave up my rich toxic friends a few weeks ago, it’s time for me to cut ties to my two middle-aged daughters (they are in their mid-forties). It’s impossible to talk to them. No matter what I say they twist and turn it around, making me feel like some kind of loser. That’s what their father used to do to me. Make me feel small. Make me feel useless. Make me want to jump off a bridge and go kill myself. My girls come from a divorced family. Both my ex and I re-married so they had to deal with step-sisters and half-brothers. I’m sure life for my two girls wasn’t a picnic either. But they have made it very clear that they just don’t like me. And I’m cool with that.

I didn’t become a mother to be my children’s friend. My two daughters are two highly successful young women. Good wives. Great mothers themselves. Well educated. Expert career personalities. They didn’t get like that or become like that by accident. I guided them to be strong, independent women on purpose. Now? They just don’t need me anymore. And as I said, they really don’t like me.

Once they left, I went around my house and pulled down all the drawings my granddaughters made for me. I took down all the photos from my fridge. I knew I was blocked out of my kids social media and blocked out of their texts, their messaging and emails. As I said, I’ve been down this roller coaster before. In order for me to get through this, it’s best for me to take down all the little things that remind me of them. Out of sight. Out of mind. This time, however, there’s no tears. Just a shrug. I do sort of agree with them that America is a terrible place right now. But optimistic me, I somehow choose to see the good in everything and I don’t want to give up my hope for a better day.

We’ve all been through a lot these past 2.5 years. With no glimmer of hope that our lives will improve anytime soon. I’m certain they’re other families out there suffering, doing without, fighting, yelling and screaming at each other. Can’t we all just get along? Can’t we stop being so judgmental and just listen to each other? No one says we have to agree. Can’t we just speak without remorse? The answer is probably no.

I can’t look forward but I can certainly look backward. Since I missed the PBS 4th of July special, I booted up YouTube and found some old songs from the James Cagney smash hit movie “Yankee Doodle Dandy“. I remembered when the movie first came out on television. The station would play the same movie for a week. After five days, I knew all the songs and used to sing them with my summer camping friends. I started remembering good times and truly happy fourth of Julys. Geez. I hope they come back one day again soon.